


Robotic

by SeoulWings13



Series: LiT - D.Min/Dongho Centric [4]
Category: Lost in Translation (Webcomic)
Genre: Angst, Debut, Eating Disorders, Flowers, Gen, Graduation, Kinda, is that a tag yet, rey has a tear obsession, rey why did you write this, tired dongho sounds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-17 13:00:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29472087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeoulWings13/pseuds/SeoulWings13
Summary: Dongho was breaking.
Relationships: Ahn Jaewon | Wyld & Everyone, Ahn Jaewon | Wyld & Kang Dongho | D.Min, Ahn Jaewon | Wyld & Kang Dongho | D.Min & Lee Minsoo, Ahn Jaewon | Wyld & Kim Daehyun, Ahn Jaewon | Wyld & Lee Minsoo, Kang Dongho | D.Min & Everyone, Kang Dongho | D.Min & Kim Daehyun
Series: LiT - D.Min/Dongho Centric [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2167359
Kudos: 7





	Robotic

**Author's Note:**

> My lovelies I'm trying so hard to get a quality fic out, but I wanna keep a consistent upload schedule. I'm so sorry about all the lack of quality and such. Bare with me <3\. I'm trying my best.

**"The scary thing about control is that it's often not for the person in control."**

**\-------------------**

Dongho's eyes slid shut, a book spilling onto the ground. He was so tired of living. There was nothing he could do but sleep, a chore he'd been putting off for weeks. His eyes were puffy and bloodshot, his lips chapped and bleeding, still, he pushed himself to keep working. 

He needed this, no he wanted it. Dongho craved the numbness work gave him, easing his stress and worry. When he was so exhausted, there was no room for anxiety. There was nothing left in him to feel. No pain could reach him, no desperation. The pain stopped. The nightmares stopped. 

Dongho was free when he was working. The lifestyle was taking its toll on him, of course. The mountains of cups and mugs piled up washed away in the blinding light from his desk light. They were invisible to him like his pain was invisible to the world. 

It wasn't pleasant, falling asleep. The nightmares raged in the storm of his mind, tears forcing their ways down his face. The trails they traced were always familiar; they had run this course before. Dongho shook slightly, the sound of a belt cracking in the air. 

Why this memory of all of them? It was natural to feel fear, natural to be so afraid of something, yet Dongho felt he was scared of too much. Only Daehyun had looked over and enquired about his pain when Dongho's carefully built mask cracked. 

He had brushed him off, a choice he still regretted. He needed help. Then Dongho was falling, spiraling and tumbling down into a pit. It was a pit of desires, though none were his own. He had trained himself not to want anything. To not need anything. 

Instead, he saw Jaewon painted in lipsticks and bruises. Dongho knew the boy wasn't fit for all this, yet Jaewon was so much stronger because he was willing to do it for the group. Dongho, who was too scared to look at a scale, in a mirror, or at his phone. He gave phantom Jaewon a smile before falling further into his dream.

Minsoo and his earnest face smiled back at Dongho. It was a face of pain and terror, but it was still a smile. Dongho knew what Minsung's actions and words had done to the leader. It was so painful to force his pain down, but he knew he wasn't alone. Dongho knew there was some pain behind Daehyun, but it was so hard to figure the maknae out.

Why was it so hard to be a person? To live and interact with others?

He shook himself awake, running to the bathroom. Once his empty stomach had forced up acid and water, he leaned against the wall. A thought nagged at the back of his mind, and he stood and walked over to the scale. Maybe there he could find some happiness.

Dongho stared downward. It was lying, there was no way he was that under 140lbs. He was never enough, always too much. Pinching the skin around his stomach, he looked disapprovingly at the fat that lay there. The fat that hung on his arms and his legs. He was too much. There was nothing he could do, no amount for repressing food. He had no eating disorder; he knew the facts and honestly didn't believe it was food that was the problem.

He liked eating food, he just never had time for it. He'd eat if it was given to him, just rarely went out of the way to find it on his own if there was work to be done. Maybe he worked too much, but it always felt like too little. He was just trying to feel something again, but the exhaustion was setting in. His weight was a problem he was trying to cope with on top of it all. Everyone told him to lose weight around his face, and he was trying to please them.

He looked down at his watch, waiting for Minsoo. If he did his five assignments after dance practice, maybe he could graduate high school before the interview for LCT. His backpack held him down, his stomach reminding him there was nothing in it. Maybe he could snag a snack after dance class. Calculating it, he figured there would be time for food at 6 pm.

The days blurred together. He graduated. He debuted. Still, he wasn't enough. The scale hovered at the 135 mark. He was losing focus, acting like a mindless man on autopilot. 

It was only part of the pain he repressed. The four of them were all striving for a big break, and he was still trying to graduate high school. It was so hard, but he managed to force himself to write papers and edit texts. 

The book was scooped up and stuffed into his bag. Forcing himself to see a stylist to cover the bags under his eyes and the cracks in his lips. Every time they commended him on his weight loss, Dongho nodded. He was so tired, praying for a chance to sleep. Every outfit was tight and sharp; all Dongho thinks is the fact he looked so fat compared to the other members.

His phone buzzed, Minsoo texting to say he was right outside. Dongho slid into the backseat next to Jaewon, pulling out an assignment, trying to figure out the answer to a seemingly simple problem. Jaewon looked over and simply pointed to an answer in his word box then looked away. 

Dongho nodded in thanks, writing in the answer. He was so tired, his eyes could barely hold themselves open. He let them close, his head leaning on Jaewon's shoulder. He wasn't sure why he wasn't pushed off, but for the first time, he had no nightmares. 

\--

Dongho remembered nothing from the interview. He answered questions with the answers he'd rehearsed and smiled. He was instructed to act like a visual, and so he just fulfilled his part. Afterward, the boys went out to eat and Dongho only remembered ordering water. He was too tired to eat, instead, he opted to fall asleep at the table. 

Daehyun glanced over, worried at how much Dongho seemed to sleep. There was nothing to worry about, Minsoo reasoned out he had seen Dongho pull an all-nighter the night before. There was no cause to worry. 

Minsoo made sure Dongho got to bed, worried that the boy was going to fall down the stairs. All the strewn assignments and papers had fallen to the floor, and with a sigh, Minsoo started picking them up. 

He hadn't realized Donghow was trying to graduate high school. They had often talked as trainees, and Minsoo knew more about Dongho than the other boys, but it wasn't enough. He wanted to know what ate away at the boy. Straightening and organizing the documents, Minsoo looked at Dongho with a smile before leaving and closing the door. 

\--

Maybe they could help Dongho, maybe they could figure out what was wrong with the boy. But Dongho hadn't come to them for help, and it wasn't their business to pry. 

When he finally graduated, they were there. They had cheered and taken pictures and brought food. But Dongho just looked ashamed when he met their eyes. He had smiled afterward when they went to eat, but there was still something cold and empty behind his eyes. 

Daehyun had started leaving snacks to try and coax Dongho into eating. They were always finished, but even the food didn't ease their worry. Dongho was like a robot, doing what he was told. 

Jaewon watched with worry, trying to figure out why Dongho was so programmable. Slowly, through a little bit of poking, Dongho opened up a little here and there. It was to Daehyun, mostly. 

The boys tried so hard to figure out what was at Dongho's core, scaring him the most. When they finally figured it out, albeit, on accident, Dongho was never left alone. 

Why?

Dongho was scared of letting them down. Every action, every drastic thought was in an effort to neer let Mayhem down.

They were pained by it, but once the truth was out, the four of them intertwined into a beautiful bouquet of flowers. 

Together.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm trying to write better. Hope you enjoyed!


End file.
